I feel like it has been awhile since I’ve sat down and wrote a conversational piece on this blog. So here I am this afternoon – armed with coffee (should probably switch to water but ahhhh well), warm fingers, and a mind full of half-finished thoughts. The kids are playing at a friends’ house, I’ve got risotto simmering on the stove (I should probably be stirring right now…), and our house is finally clean and back to normal after this past weekend’s festivities. So basically – I have absolutely no excuse not to write. So why am I having trouble?
Stop trying so hard.
Like many other women in my age bracket, I devoured Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat, Pray, Love soon after it’s release. It’s been years since I’ve last re-read the book (fun fact – I’m an avid re-reader) so I’m a little fuzzy on the details but her book was my first introduction to the concept of a mantra – at least in the meditation sense. I don’t have a personal mantra per se – I probably should. But there is phrase that I’ve been repeating to myself since the onset of 2019 – stop trying so hard.
I read something on Facebook (of course) the other day that really resonated with me – “you are your breath”. For as good of a person that I’d like to be – I don’t think that I am a terribly mindful person. I rely too much on background noise (podcast or TV show – in fact, I’m watching Project Runway – All Stars while typing this stream of consciousness) and you know what? I don’t think I am very present in most of the moments that comprise my day. I am too focused on what other people think of me. I am motivated by what I think I should be doing rather than what fulfills me and puts good back into the world. I have a few ‘let’s see if this works…‘ ideas to help me in this arena – I’m sure I’ll write about them in the coming weeks.
So here’s to being more mindful. I’m not quite sure what that means exactly but I’m determined to figure it out.